I have a hard time making new friends in real life. I seem to make better friends online and such. When I do make 'real life' friends I want to keep them forever. I love them deeply and accept them completely. I don't judge them, or their short comings and all I want is the same in return.
there was a girl that I met in real life and I thought she was one of my closest real friends. She and I seemed to always get along, even on times that we didn't agree.....and I accepted her ramblings on her blog and fb and always assumed that even when they sounded negative or snappy I knew that beyond all that she was well meaning & was just being human, as we all are. Whenever she talked about friends she had that let her down, my heart ached for her. When she talked about challenges she faced, I encouraged her. And I thought we were real friends.
Yesterday, I posted (again) about wondering where my daughter had gone to (She's living out on her own, and adult & she just found out she is pregnant) and she didn't contact me like she said she would and of course I posted about wondering where she was & if anyone has seen her let me know. She posted a comment about "hadn't you just talked to her the other day?" I explained why I was worried. I don't feel I was snippy or anything eventhough she tried to minimize my worry by her statement....I didn't take it personal. She was just being her like I'm being me.
I got up this morning and logged onto FB and not only had she deleted me as a friend, but she also blocked me. No message to me no nothing. I don't even know what caused this to come about...I'm clueless.
I have sent her many (what I feel)things, gluten free things, patterns, etc. (things a friend does) and she's sent me things too....like friends do. I tried to be there to support her......I loved her. I really did. Like a sister. And now she's completely cut me out of her life, forever. With no comment or warning or anything. I mean I don't expect much. I wouldn't try to stop her....if she doesn't want to be in my life, I won't stop her. I wouldn't cut her out of my life, but if she felt she wanted out of it, I wouldn't try to stop her. It's free will. But doing it this way......this way hurts beyond words.
When you are like me, and have a hard time opening up to others, this is paramount to being rejected to the point of heartbreak. I've cried and cried over this & I just can't seem to "get over it". I was so side swiped by this..I didn't see it coming. I went to bed last night not realizing when I got up this morning that my friendship had been compromised with her to the point of being deleted and blocked (like I would have bothered her). Even if she removed her blocking of me, I wouldn't friend request her again, I just couldn't let her in my space like that. I couldn't open myself up to her like that again.
Today, I am mourning the loss of a friendship..the loss of a sisterhood. And I am sad......I am the saddest of sad.
